Monday, October 27, 2008

Simple Things in Life (Warning: May be considered gross)

Have you ever been laid up with a tooth problem? 

I had a sinus-lift tooth implant last Monday. What that means is the dentist cut into my sinus cavity, lifted the thin sinus membrane then topped the metal spike implanted in my jaw with a bone graft. Then he covered the mess with a mysterious "membrane" to keep it all in place. More or less.

The dentist ordered me not to sneeze, or blow my nose, or chew on one side of my mouth. Let me tell you, it's danged difficult to follow. My body automatically rejected these restrictions as a visceral reaction to being told "don't." 

Suddenly, my nose ran like a son-of-a-gun, pleading for tissues and a good hard blow. My jaw became exhausted from chewing on one side. Soon the muscles tightened up so much I could barely slide a teaspoon between my teeth.

And "don't sneeze?" Right. Can you not sneeze on command? Just last night, I sneezed 6 times in a row - shot gun sneezes, hard, fast, almost one on top of the other. I NEVER sneeze more than 3 times. 

It sounds gross. And it is. But when the mysterious membrane shot into then out of my mouth after my sneezing fit last night, I was astounded. How did something that size slip into my sinuses and work it's way out of my body? I mean, this thing was an inch long oval piece of pliant material! How did it get into my sinuses in the first place? 

I went to the dentist today and had him check everything out. My sinuses are fine. He smiled and said "You're a case study I shall never forget." Then he continued with "Guess we won't have to cut you open to remove the membrane in two weeks. You did the job for us. But how?" I guess I'm an article waiting to happen. Maybe he'll title the piece: The Chick With the Osmotic Sinuses, or perhaps: Patient Sneezes Her Way Out of Surgery.

I think I should receive part of his royalties for his article. After all, if it weren't for my super healthy and super thin sinuses, he wouldn't have the material, right? If he's amazed at how the membrane crossed over an intact sinus membrane to be expelled by my body, would other dentists also be intrigued? Perhaps I should ask for a movie deal.

Good news is I can eat, and sneeze, and blow my nose again. You really miss the simple things in life. :^))

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Horse Burps

Did you know that horses don't burp or vomit? Gee, isn't this information you're just dying to know? Well, it turns out their cardiac sphincter (the valve between the stomach and esophagus) only allows one-way flow.

Hummm. So why did my horse, who always manages to pass obnoxious gas when I'm cleaning his rear feet and haunches, repeatedly burp yesterday?

And how can I incorporate such a tiny detail into one of my stories? My current novel deals with a dragon - I supposed I could make the baby dragon burp tiny balls of flame. Or, pass such noxious gas as to incapacitate the enemy (an ancient version of a stink bomb).

Yes. I must do this. Steggy (my dragon) will have to develop burping or farting as a defence mechanism.

See how easy it is to incorporate an everyday gross occurrence into your story?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Old farts

The college trips are done. Yippee!!

The boys fit in well with their school and friends, keeping busy, studying hard, and playing just as hard. It's nice seeing them relaxed at school but it makes me worry a bit about what's going to happen once they're done. Tom's already thinking about possibly heading off sometime this summer to Etheopia to help build facilities. Jim will want a job that will allow him the most time to play - so probably life guarding if he can get it again.

Last weekend we visited Tom at Carolina. Here's a picture of Tom, Ed & I at the Well at Chapel Hill. There were dozens of parents and students hanging in front of this place, snapping pictures and helping each other get family shots.

We picked Jimmy up from NC State on Friday night then headed to Carolina to pick up Tom. We all celebrated Tom's almost 20th birthday with dinner at a restaurant of his choice. He chose Chillies, I think mostly bcause of the molten chocolate cake. Everyone fought over it - as usual. Whenever these guys together it's pure chaotic fun.

When we visited Jim at NC State the weekend before, we took him and his roomate, Jonathan, out for dinner. We only had one chair in the back of the van, so Jim demonstrated how to use a seatbelt while sitting in a folding lawn chair. It actually did OK, but thankfully we didn't encounter any need to test it.

Why do dorms always smell like old socks?

I can't imagine using the bathrooms in these places. Even though they do get cleaned each week, it's still pretty gross.

Ed and I opted out of attending the football games. Sitting in a stadium with 15,000 (probably more) to watch a game is OK. But it's the getting out at the end of the game that always causes me to pale. And talk about wasting gas...not moving because a drunk hit a cop car...or the incredible lines of non-moving cars and vans. Not exactly our cup of tea!

We like sitting in front of the TV, feet up, chips and drinks by our sides, DVR(aka Tvo) so we can make our potty stops and refill our glasses.

I admit it. We're old farts.