Simple Things in Life (Warning: May be considered gross)

Have you ever been laid up with a tooth problem? 

I had a sinus-lift tooth implant last Monday. What that means is the dentist cut into my sinus cavity, lifted the thin sinus membrane then topped the metal spike implanted in my jaw with a bone graft. Then he covered the mess with a mysterious "membrane" to keep it all in place. More or less.

The dentist ordered me not to sneeze, or blow my nose, or chew on one side of my mouth. Let me tell you, it's danged difficult to follow. My body automatically rejected these restrictions as a visceral reaction to being told "don't." 

Suddenly, my nose ran like a son-of-a-gun, pleading for tissues and a good hard blow. My jaw became exhausted from chewing on one side. Soon the muscles tightened up so much I could barely slide a teaspoon between my teeth.

And "don't sneeze?" Right. Can you not sneeze on command? Just last night, I sneezed 6 times in a row - shot gun sneezes, hard, fast, almost one on top of the other. I NEVER sneeze more than 3 times. 

It sounds gross. And it is. But when the mysterious membrane shot into then out of my mouth after my sneezing fit last night, I was astounded. How did something that size slip into my sinuses and work it's way out of my body? I mean, this thing was an inch long oval piece of pliant material! How did it get into my sinuses in the first place? 

I went to the dentist today and had him check everything out. My sinuses are fine. He smiled and said "You're a case study I shall never forget." Then he continued with "Guess we won't have to cut you open to remove the membrane in two weeks. You did the job for us. But how?" I guess I'm an article waiting to happen. Maybe he'll title the piece: The Chick With the Osmotic Sinuses, or perhaps: Patient Sneezes Her Way Out of Surgery.

I think I should receive part of his royalties for his article. After all, if it weren't for my super healthy and super thin sinuses, he wouldn't have the material, right? If he's amazed at how the membrane crossed over an intact sinus membrane to be expelled by my body, would other dentists also be intrigued? Perhaps I should ask for a movie deal.

Good news is I can eat, and sneeze, and blow my nose again. You really miss the simple things in life. :^))